


We Have To Talk About It

by anoccasionalcigarette



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Beginnings, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29902035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoccasionalcigarette/pseuds/anoccasionalcigarette
Summary: An accidental touch turns into a whole weekend, and Spencer's never gone this long without talking. Perhaps avoiding "the talk" is more illuminating in the end.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

When they stumble in to his apartment and knock over at least two stacks of books Spencer thinks he should be nervous, should feel exposed at Hotch getting to see his private space. Somehow instead it feels natural and Hotch fits in perfectly among the antiquated decor, sliding right into the leather sofa like he belongs there. Spencer slides right after him, the pair haven’t disconnected since the first time they touched and it’s overwhelming but in a good way, a really really good way, so much so that the anxiety is chased from Spencer's mind and all he can think about is how well Hotch's scent mixes with the smell of leather.

Its intoxicating and distracting, and even though they should definitely discuss this they don't. Instead Spencer slides his fingers underneath the hem of Hotch's shirt and hums when they meet skin and hair and muscle. He's always been one to talk with his hands.

There’s probably something to be gleaned from studying Spencer’s apartment. Hotch could profile the shit out of it if he needed to, which he doesn’t, because he’s never known Spencer as thoroughly and authentically as he does now, and if he gets selfish and tries to take more he doesn’t know he’ll be able to take it back.

He doesn’t stop, and they still don’t talk about it.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Hotch wakes up to catch hazel eyes starting at him, hiding above a shy grin of embarrassment. Hotch, unsure of the etiquette- unsure if a lot of things- tentatively reaches out to tuck a hair behind his ear, like a reassurance, like he's snoozing an alarm clock - we'll deal with the awkwardness of the later.

When Spencer breathes in at his touch like he’s been waiting all night for it, Hotch instinctively pulls him closer. Their legs are already wrapped around each other, Spencer’s foot slid between Hotch's legs like they’re anchoring him, and they press together so that as much skin is touching as possible. His whole body is on fire where it meets Spencers and Hotch is surprisingly comfortable settling into the flames.


	3. Chapter 3

There’s not much to work with in the kitchen but Hotch makes do. He almost burns the potatoes, the mistake shocking him awake, all of his brain turning back on at once and all the sirens of reality blaring at the same time. He’s at Spencer's apartment on a Saturday morning, breaking every rule and moral code he’s laid down between them to prevent this, to keep his own yearning from tarnishing the young agent’s career and reputation and yet it’s all he can do to keep him from running back into that room and pretending it’s the evening before and he can blame it on the alcohol.

He can’t now, completely sober, looking into dry eggs and particularly crispy batch of home fries wondering how he got here and how he can possibly leave. He has to, he must, he is obligated to, but first they have to talk about it. And they will, but not while Spencer is wearing that.

Spencer steps out in a dark blue silk robe, well lived in with a faded pattern - clearly a woman’s cut - but Hotch isn’t thinking about women or anything remotely feminine. Instead he wonders how soft it is against his skin and how it can look so smooth as it hangs against all his angles and how easy it’d be to slide the fabric aside and reveal any part of him he wished. Hotch wants to throw away the eggs and settle for licking every inch of skin beneath that robe and is willing to live off only that substance for as long as he possibly can.

Spencer, however, needs food, or at the very least coffee, and he slides past Hotch to grab a cup. Finding Hotch’s batch satisfactory he pours some into a mug, takes a sip, and slides it to Hotch, smiling when their fingers touch. The second cup he pours gets a whopping amount of sugar and now that they’re both caffeinated it’s a good time to talk.

They don’t. Hotch just stares and Spencer picks potatoes off the frying pan and licks his fingers after every bite and it doesn’t take long for Hotch to join him eating breakfast sans silverware. The eggs don't make great finger food but neither are disappointed when they ditch the pan to continue tasting each other over a second cup of coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

When breakfast is long since over, the eggs cold and their lips chapped with extended use they break apart and Spencer hurries out of his kitchen. It seems they're both avoiding conversation, unsure of what change it'll bring.

As he passes the living room he turns on the TV. Perhaps to fill the silence that the two of them are creating, to add a distraction that will save them from facing reality. From popping the bubble, from ruining this blissful ignorance.

Hotch settles into a leather armchair, avoiding the couch, blushing at what occurred there the night before. Maybe if he sits here instead it'll help his resolve. He's unable to share this seat and it'll put some distance between them. His mind is telling him that's the right answer but his body betrays him, because when Spencer comes back out dressed in a casual, lounging around look Hotch's legs spread slightly and he places his hands on the armrests as if it's an invitation that Spencer gladly accepts, moving to the armchair to sit on his lap.

They fit together so naturally and Hotch almost wants to tell him that, wants to whisper in the ear that's so close to his face, but feels if he says anything it'll break the spell. This is the longest Spencer's ever gone without talking he thinks, and somehow he's said more in the past 24 hours than in the tenure of their friendship.

Hotch nestles into Spencer's neck, unbothered by the curls blocking his view of the tv, and wraps his arms around the doctor's skinny waist. Spencer seems genuinely interested in the documentary that's on tv and Hotch is genuinely interested in Spencer.

It's not long before he falls asleep, having not gotten much sleep the night before and exhausted trying to wrap his brain around what any of this means.


	5. Chapter 5

When the documentary ends the station starts playing some tv show that Spencer doesn't recognize and doesn't want to, so he turns off the tv and they plunge back into silence. The silence itself isn't an uncommon presence in Spencer's apartment but the man he's sharing it with is.

Spencer drags his fingers along Hotch's bare arms that still wrap around him, smoothing his palm across the older man's skin. In some ways it feels like petting a bear, but Spencer's never felt more safe in his life. The only thing that terrifies him in this moment is the inevitable conclusion of this, when they have to face facts and suffer the consequences. When they have to admit out loud what they've done. Spencer's already morning the loss of the warmth that sits beneath him, and he tries to center himself and push past the anxiety to appreciate every second of this moment while it's still here.

It helps when Hotch wakes up. He stirs and Spencer melts into him a little more, sliding down so he can lean his face back onto Hotch's shoulder. He angles his face up and the way he's positioned his nose touches the side of Hotch's chin. The soft bridge of his nose rubs against slight stubble, and Spencer can feel the skin move when Hotch smiles. Hotch moves his head, reluctantly, to look down at Spencer and the genius can't help but worry that this is where Hotch asks him to get up but instead he kisses him and Spencer feels stupid for thinking they' do anything but this. When Hotch does nudge Spencer off his lap it's without breaking their kiss and Spencer can feel him laugh, tasting it as he presses deeper into Hotch's mouth, when they struggle to steady themselves.

Spencer bangs his shin against the coffee table and that finally pulls him away, giving Hotch the space to properly laugh now. The laugh lines on his face are beautiful, Spencer memorizes them as if they're a secret he'll never see again, and morns their retreat as Hotch makes his way past him to the bedroom. Is he going to gather his things?

When he hears the shower turn on it turns off his brain and some of that anxiety as images of Hotch in the shower and all the fantasies he's had of what they would do in there come barreling towards the front of his mind and he's half naked and half hard before he's even halfway to the bathroom.


	6. Chapter 6

They order in for lunch. 

Hotch is going to call but instead he orders through an app. It's become a game now, how long can they go without talking, how long will they maintain this silence. As they both get more comfortable with how overwhelming this is "the talk" is less daunting but still avoidable for right now so they table it. Instead they eat Thai food on the couch, smiling between bites of food and intermittently listening to another documentary Spencer's put on. Their whole day has been soundtracked by the Discovery Channel, but if you asked him Hotch wouldn't be able to recite a single fact that was mentioned, let alone tell you what any of the documentaries were about.

When the food is done Hotch gathers their plates to do the dishes. Spencer would whine that he doesn't have to but he can't, and Hotch grins at him like he knows that. While Hotch is in the kitchen Spencer pulls out a laptop and starts working on something. Theres a twinge of guilt as Hotch realizes he's taking Spencer's time away from his life, his projects, his work outside the BAU but he also doesn't care. If Spencer didn't want him there he'd know. Spencer didn't relinquish his privacy easily.

When Hotch returns it's with a book plucked off one of the many bookshelves. An old volume of something that looks well loved, so Hotch imagines if Spencer loves it he will too. Spencer smiles at him, at his choice, and doesn't question when Hotch sits on the other side of the couch, he just moves his legs so Hotch can slide his own in between them, intertwining them together and settling in facing each other. 

They sit like this and Spencer is surprised how easily he can work under these conditions. He gets a fair amount done before the sunlight begins to fade and he realizes exactly how much time has passed. He looks up at Hotch who is equally enraptured in his book, and Spencer fondly smiles at the slight crease to his eyebrows as he studies the page. It's one of the more complicated novels he owns, but he's not surprised to see the man has made a considerable dent despite this. He'd expect nothing less from someone as brilliant as Hotch.

They read until the light wanes completely and even then they don't stir just yet. Spencer tentatively moves his foot so it slides further up the inside of Hotch's thigh, and is rewarded with a smile from other man as he opens his legs to give him access. Hotch takes a sharp breath when Spencer pokes his foot towards his crotch a little to eagerly but they're both laughing when Hotch grabs his ankle and pulls him closer as punishment. Spencer slides down the armrest of the couch as Hotch pulls his leg up to kiss the inside of his ankle, then follows it all the way up until it's Spencer gasping for air and all thoughts of work are completely erased.


	7. Chapter 7

They make it off the couch and back to bed, even though its ridiculously early and neither are thinking of going to sleep yet. Hotch directs Spencer's body back onto the mattress and his own body follows, pushing them both into the center of the king bed. Hotch at one point had wondered which side was Spencer's, if it was compatible with his, but found it unnecessary as the two had spent the whole night wrapped around each other in the center of it. Hotch tries to remember the last time he slept so comfortably in the arms of someone else and can't. Suddenly he's just as excited to go to sleep with Spencer as he is to do what they're about to do now.

The first night was frantic and desperate and all consuming, hands grabbing at anything they could find and hungrily trying to devour each other like they only had so much time. Tonight it starts to build but they both hold on to a slower pace, like they're trying to savor it. they're completely on the same page and Hotch feels like he's controlling both of them at once, each movement of his perfectly matched by Spencer. Each kiss lasts hours and still isn't long enough. Hotch refuses to breathe in anything that isn't Spencer, even if it means he'll suffocate.

Spencer presses every bit of skin he can against Hotch like he's making up for every hand he's never shook, every hug he's shy'd away from, every kiss he never got from the prospects who laughed at him when he tried. He's never been this comfortable with someone, never been this desperate to touch, and if he could he would burrow underneath Hotch's skin to get closer to him. It's this raw, carnal fixation that is new and terrifying and heady and the idea that such a lecherous feeling can lend itself to this slow moving dance is strange and still exactly right.

Spencer threads his fingers through Hotch's hair and pulls, suddenly drawn to do so by a force seemingly bigger than his own and the sound Hotch makes nearly ends him. They aren't so quiet here, saying everything they can't with noises they'd never made before and moans that would seem embarrassing anywhere else. But not here, not to each other. Spencer shivers at the growl that escapes Hotch, offering a few noises of his own when Hotch licks up the column of his throat.

Another noise, one of surprise, escapes Spencer when Hotch rolls them over so Spencer is on top of him. His mind is so far gone that it takes a minute for Spencer to recognize the offering for what it is. Spencer takes a minute to look at Hotch, eyes fluttering open to verify that the image of what lies below him exceeds all the fantasies and dreams of Hotch that he's had over the years. Hotch looks beautiful and serene, and Spencer laughs knowing that if he told him that Hotch would absolutely glare at him.

Spencer leans down slowly and kisses him tentatively, even though seconds previously he had his tongue down the unit chief's throat. The kiss is dripping with meaning, all the words unsaid trapped between their lips, thanking, pleading, reassuring, and Hotch remains pliant beneath him letting Spencer take the reigns. It seems like the ultimate offering, a man like that to give himself so willingly, and the responsibility of it is almost too much for Spencer, but he's determined not to let him down.

The chain of command changes hands several times that night, and neither man seems to have any trouble adjusting.


	8. Chapter 8

When they finally leave the apartment it's for brunch, and Hotch reckons thats as good a reason as any. If they stayed in the apartment much longer Hotch might not make it out alive, his entire soul seemingly drained out of him from what feels like an endless weekend of sex and emotional transparency. The crisp autumn air is like knives on his skin and he can't tell if it's the break from the cozy atmosphere of Spencer's stuffy apartment or the nerves that bubble up as they take this thing between them beyond their comfort zone.

It calms him down to see that Spencer looks just as nervous, Hotch can tell he's a bundle of anxiety wrapped in a sweater. When they get to the diner Hotch opens the door for him and places a hand on the small of his back as he passes, a gesture that immediately comforts Spencer and electrifies Hotch. Something so small shouldn't be the affecting, yet pulling his hand back seems like agony.

The potatoes here are better than Hotch's own, less burnt and they have forks this time. Spencer makes a face at the coffee and Hotch pours some more sugar in, knowing the amount perfectly without even thinking about it.

This is where they'll have the talk. This is the backdrop for all their fears and where something either starts or ends. Hotch likes to think he's made peace with that, hopes he's less scared to face it but he still waits the whole meal before he even thinks of speaking.

"Here's my theory."

Spencer is the one who begins the conversation, and to no one surprise it is the thesis on this conundrum that they've both been dwelling on for the past 48 hours. 

"Neither of us are talking because we think this conversation will end badly, right? he asks.

"Yes." says Hotch, his voice soft and forgotten.

"Because this conversation usually indicates the end of something, because it's supposed to include a hard look at the consequences of our actions." Spencer has a funny kind of smile on his face like the idea amuses him, and that amusement is contagious. Hotch smiles too as he answers.

"Yes."

"But doesn't the fact that neither of us are willing to have this talk indicate that the talk is unnecessary? If neither of us want to end it that should be a good thing, right?" Spencer looks eagerly at Hotch, a plea in his voice that Hotch greatly identifies with.

"Yes, but-" Hotch cuts himself off.

"But what?"

"No buts." Hotch says. "That's the rule. No buts."

"But I like your butt."

Hotch laughs harder than he has all weekend, and Spencer joins him, red flushing his face from how embarrassed he is from his comment. The pair descend into giggles and suddenly Hotch doesn't know why they were so scared of this conversation.

"I like yours too, Spencer," and Spencer lights up and Hotch wishes they had gotten this out of the way earlier. If he'd known Spencer would react so viscerally to the use of his first name he'd have used it all weekend. "I think this talk will be easier if we start there."

"What if we end there too?" Spencer offers. Hotch raises an eyebrow. "I know we'll have to have more talks and eventually we'll have to have serious talks but what if for today this is our talk?"

Hotch considers this. It's the easy way out but he's inclined to take it. "Ok."

"Ok." Spencer confirms. "After all, I think we have way more time than we previously thought."

Hotch murmurs an agreement as he sips his coffee, a weight off his chest as the promise of more weekends fills his thoughts.


End file.
